Real Men's Guide to Ethics

Hate any group you're not part of. Such as gays, women, disabled people, gays, people of other religions (or even denominations), other races/ethnic groups, gays, people with a different first language, vegetarians, and gays. Also people richer than you, people poorer than you, "hippies", "old ladies", women you're not attracted to, and anyone nicer than you. These people hurt you by existing, so they deserve a good thrashing.

If someone is miserable, attack them. Their misery tempts you to be nice and being nice is bad. Your only attitude is pointless anger against people who haven't done a thing to you. Justice is your enemy. Be proud of how "evil" you are because "evil" is good. Identify with the "bad" guy in every movie or TV show.

The victim is always wrong and the aggressor is always right. If someone gets burglarized, it's their fault for 1) owning things the thief might want, 2) having windows the thief can break, and 3) living less than 50 miles from a thief. If the victim complains, they're whining about a situation they could have done something about. For example, they could research every thief in town and find out what thieves want, and make sure not to own things they want. They can also board up all doors and windows so the thief can't get in. They don't need to go whining to the cops!

Corollary: Nothing is your fault. If someone breaks into your house and steals your TV, it's not your fault. It's the locksmiths' fault because they made an inferior lock for your door. It's also the homebuilders' fault, because they made the walls so thick that you couldn't hear the thief, and they made the closet inconvenient so you couldn't grab your gun.

Use the phrase "personal responsibility" a lot, but don't apply it to anyone who really is responsible. Only victims have "personal responsibility" problems. Say you're "conservative" or "libertarian" so it looks like you know what you're talking about. What this really does, however, is make real conservatives and libertarians look bad. Not that you care. You only care about yourself. Support political positions that hurt everybody but you. Attack anyone who disagrees with your political views.

You're only happy if you mock other people. You're better than them so it's okay. That's why they have so many friends and you don't. People realize they aren't worthy of your presence. When you watch TV news, make fun of people who get killed. Nobody else's lives are important. Humor is invalid unless it's gross, obscene, sick, or mocking inferior people.

Swear constantly. A good rate is one swear word for every two non-swear words. People will see you are tough, intelligent, realistic, eloquent, and articulate. If you sound really pissed off, you can scare people into agreeing with you.

Worship yourself. Other people are worthless except for other Real Men like yourself, and even they must bow to your greatness. You are the smartest person in the universe and the entire galaxy revolves around you. You are always right, and if someone disagrees they're stupid. Morality is for inferior people. If you can get away with something that's wrong, do it because it's wrong.

Women are inferior and only exist for your sexual pleasure. Society doesn't require them to be jerks, so they must be inferior. Most women are stupid and have lousy taste in music, movies, and TV. You might run across one who is as much of a jerk as you are; if she's "hot" (see below), then you just found yourself a date.

If a woman fits your standards of physical attractiveness, call her "hot". If a woman doesn't fit your standards, call her "ugly". If another guy doesn't agree with you on "hot" girls, he's "gay" and you should attack him. Your standards of physical attractiveness must be the same as the ones in beer commercials. Do not tolerate ANY deviation.

Sleep with every woman you can, then talk about them behind their backs about how they're "ugly" and worthless and you only did them because you were drunk. Don't mention you secretly think they're hot because anyone who likes an "ugly" woman is "gay". Your complaining is NOT "whining", because it concerns a deep, pressing issue (you hate the way they look).

If you can live up to every one of these, then congratulations, you are a Real Man. Not all Real Men are male. A few are females who hate their gender and want to be male. Most are male because these are the standards people expect for men these days.

Esperanto

I'm a language nut but I only speak English. I want to learn more languages someday. I took Spanish in high school and French in college but my Spanish sucks and my French is even worse. I really want to get good at Spanish someday. I could talk to a lot of people who don't speak English. It's one of my favorite languages to listen to. And it's useful here. There ain't much use for anything other than English, Spanish, or Choctaw in Mississippi.

I'd also love to learn Esperanto. Esperanto is a constructed language designed for world use. Esperanto.net gives more information and Lernu! offers Esperanto courses. I've looked at Esperanto a bit. While it's nowhere near perfect, it's still better than English for a world language. Sometimes I forget how much privilege I have that my native language is the standard world language.

As always Wikipedia has a good article on Esperanto and other related conlangs such as Ido and Novial.

I have my Facebook in Esperanto right now. Google Chrome keeps flagging the page as either Slovak or Spanish. Makes sense because Esperanto's a mashup of Slavic languages (Slovak, Czech, Russian, Polish, Ukrainian, Belorussian, Slovenian, Serbo-Croatian) and Romance languages (Spanish, Portuguese, Catalan, French, Italian, Romanian). Back then the rest of the world wasn't part of the world. I'm learning a few words from Facebook, but I'll forget most of them when I switch it to some other language. I should switch it to Spanish or French for fun. I've also done Welsh, Latin, and a few of the joke ones like Pirate and 1337.

Compassion

Since I already ripped on libertarians (last post) and liberals (most of the others), here's the conservatives' turn.

Why are so many conservatives so heartless? They think that if you don't have a full-time job, your own place, etc. you aren't trying hard enough. They hate you because of things you can't control. They don't give a shit about poor people or any other people. The economy sucks. If someone can't find a job, it's not their damn fault. Most adults who live with their parents don't want to. They want to work full time but they can't. It's not laziness, it's because they got screwed over. Most teenagers can't find jobs. A lot of my friends with college degrees work in retail or other low-paying part-time jobs any high school drop out could do. They're not lazy, they just can't get anything else.

And even when unemployed people are lazy, it ain't my place to judge. The lazy people ain't gonna get jobs. The way things are now, lots of people don't have jobs. I got a job but I don't work as much as I'd like. I'm still glad to have one. I can be lazy but I won't let myself.

Reminds me of the bastards who blamed Katrina on the victims. No, I am not making this up. (Hint: It's because they were black) Snopes.com reproduces this letter and refutes it. Read it and then lose faith in humanity.

Not all conservatives are like this. Probably most aren't. But a lot of them are, especially angry old white men.

Driving Too Fast Is Driving Me Crazy

Speed limits are high enough already. Most people apart from old ladies think they should be 20-30 MPH higher. I'm sick to death of assholes driving 10 over in the right lane, where I usually drive, and tailgating me when they can pass me in the left lane. I'm also sick to death of the same assholes getting pissed if I go the speed limit in the left lane - at least I go the damn speed limit! I could go way the hell slower in the left lane like a lot of people do, but I don't. I got a right to the road too. I obey the law and you don't. The traffic laws are not based on what you want, it's usually based on safety. There's exceptions: Why is this one road 30 MPH when it should be 40 MPH? I still go 30 and some jerkass in a BIGG REDD TRUKK always tailgates me, but the cops enforce the speed limit.

You know one reason our gas prices are so damn high now? Everyone wants to drive way the hell over the speed limit. People will give up anything before they give up driving way too damn fast and endangering everyone.

Why do people claim slow drivers are more dangerous than fast drivers? It's simple. Speeders can't accept the blame for the accidents they cause. It's dumb to drive really slow, but what if you can't help it? Then you're screwed. Driving too slow *is* dangerous, but driving 65 in the right lane of a 70 zone is fine. At least where I live... thank God I don't live in a big city.

There is one problem with slow drivers: people who go 10-15 under in the left lane. all the time. I stay in the right lane unless I have to turn left or get around someone getting on the freeway, but I drive the speed limit or a little over in the left lane. I almost always drive a few under in the right lane, except during rush hour when I'm right at the speed limit. This is real rebellion - it's not rebellion against the law, it's rebellion against peer pressure. Peer pressure is way more powerful.

This is the main reason I'm not a libertarian or anarchist. If we had a libertarian society with majority rule, we'd have no speed limits and I wouldn't be able to drive anywhere. We'd get a tyranny of the majority. When the majority rules everything the minority gets screwed. We'd only have rights for straight white guys who agree with the dominant opinions of society. One real nice thing about the law is minority rights are protected. Without the law the majority would crush the minority - it happens over and over again.

People suck.

Snob Appeal in Computing

I'm one of those holdouts who refuses to use "hacker" for security breakers. The right term according to the Jargon File is cracker. The real meaning of hacker refers to a kind of super-programmer. I'm not a hacker and I never will be - I don't have the personality. But I respect them. It bugs me when people talk about "hackers" breaking into things and causing damage. A hacker may crack your computer but he/she will tell you how to fix the hole. Real hackers don't cause damage. They build things instead, especially on Linux.

This brings me around to another thing: Why do people pronounce Linux "Linnux" (IPA lɪnəks) when that's not how it's spelled? Snob appeal. I pronounced it to rhyme with English "Linus" (IPA lainəks, or laənəks in my Southern accent) for a long time. Then I asked a snobby bookstore cashier about "Lye-nux" books, and he didn't understand me. Then he responded "Oh, you mean Linnux books. We have all kinds of Linnux books... I love Linnux..." Turns out Mr. Snob was wrong too: this link lets you hear OS creator Linus Torvalds himself say it. He says it "Leenooks" (IPA linʊks). Now I say either linʊks or linəks. However, most Linux users are snobs. Same goes with most hackers, including the good kind. If you pronounce something different from how it's spelled, it gives it snob appeal. The snob knows something regular people don't.

Linus Torvalds is Finnish but his name and first language are Swedish. Some people argue "Linnux" is the Anglicized version of "Leenooks", but Swedish has our short "i" vowel. It's rare in most languages, but common in Germanic languages such as English, German, and of course Swedish. If he meant "Linnux", he would have said it. But he didn't.

The same applies to Mac snobs who say "OS Ten" instead of "OS X". In this case I don't care how the Apple people say it. If they wanted people to say "OS Ten" they should have called it "OS 10". As for me I'm waiting for Mac OS Y to come out.

At least people don't say "Wine-doss" for Windows. No wonder non-snobs stick to Windows.

Uncyclopedia, the content-free alternative to Wikipedia, has an enlightening article on Linux.

(I still read "Linux" as Lye-nucks. I have to force myself to say it different.)