Monday, January 29, 2018


My mom is an ex-Christian. I'd suspected it for years but she confirmed it to me the other day.

When I was a kid, she was super-devout. She prayed every morning. She studied the Bible more than most preachers. She was one of the most morally upright people I knew, in all senses. I was home-schooled and I remember her teaching me Bible classes. My parents used to minister to some of the more troubled teenagers in the area - I don't know if it ever stuck or not, but a lot of why I never got into drugs was that I saw the damage firsthand. Not only did she care about spreading the gospel, she also cared about holiness. I remember her criticizing my dad and me because we were listening to the ska band Madness, and Madness were a secular band, therefore they were evil. She didn't even like Christian bands that weren't Christian enough. When a large bookstore opened in town, she felt uncomfortable there. She said there was an evil spirit there because of all the New Age books. (They also had more Bible translations than anyone else.) On the other hand, she wasn't that strict on me. She didn't force me to wear a suit and tie every day. She wasn't a hardcore fundamentalist like a lot of people we knew were.

She was my moral rock as a child. Now that rock has completely weathered away. She used to hate swearing. Now she swears, especially "bitch" (which she considers a compliment and a self-description). Every time she says "my gaahd" it makes my skin crawl, because the woman who raised me would never say that. She's outright mean to some people now. And she's the worst kind of ex-Christian - the kind who ascends above the need for Jesus in her own goodness. Note the sarcasm. She can't stand most people now. She hates anyone feminine, unless it's a gay man. She gets mad when I say anything she can't comprehend. And she always has to have the upper hand. She has to mock everything. And she can't comprehend why anyone would have friends. She used to have friends. Now her brain programming lacks a subroutine for friendship.

She raised me to be a strong Christian - I don't think I'm that strong of a Christian, but I sure didn't turn out like her. If she's disappointed in me for staying tied to Organized Religion, it's her fault. I remember about ten years ago I told her about my struggles with faith after a traumatic event, and she pretty much told me to leave Christianity. I was surprised. She couldn't comprehend why I wanted to stay Christian. I no longer tell her about my problems.

If the woman who raised me was still around, she'd be appalled at how my mom acts now. As far as I know, I am the only person on earth who has to deal with this. Nobody else on earth has stayed in their religion while their parents quit. It's like the world played a sick joke on me. It hurts like hell.

She and I still get along well. I still like being around her. But I don't respect her as much as I used to. It would be better if I'd been raised secular and became a Christian later on. Then I wouldn't have to throw out the memories.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Religious breakdown of the United States

  • 45.2% Christian
    • 21.2% Protestant
    • 20.8% Catholic
    • 1.6% Mormon
    • 0.8% Jehovah's Witness
    • 0.5% Orthodox
    • 0.4% Other
  • 25.4% Satanist
  • 3.1% Science Worship
  • 1.9% Jewish
  • 0.9% Muslim
  • 0.7% Buddhist
  • 0.7% Hindu
  • 1.0% Other Religions
  • 19.8% Unaffiliated

Monday, April 3, 2017

Living in a Bubble

Is it a good thing? Blogger Bryan Caplan thinks so. As a Christian and a political moderate, you wouldn't think I'd get much from an atheist libertarian's blog, but I can relate to a lot of his posts. The first one is called My Beautiful Bubble, which explains how awesome it is to live in a bubble. The second one, Make Your Own Bubble in 10 Easy Steps, explains how to make one.

I shouldn't say this, but I agree with a LOT of his advice. Out of the ten steps he gives, I think 1-4 are great and 6-8 are eventual goals of mine. I can't quite do 5 because of my depression, and I doubt I'll ever be ready to do 10. My sub-sub-culture is so tiny that 9 was never an option, but I have a girlfriend so it's a moot point. But most of it is great advice. After the election from hell, I quit reading news. I will probably never buy a newspaper again. I use a Facebook plug in called FB Purity so I don't have to see Facebook posts that annoy me. I read a variety of blogs from a variety of viewpoints I have at least some sympathy for, the few that are left. If I was more settled in my opinions I'd only read blogs I agreed with.

If I wasn't religious I would have started working on the bubble a long time ago. I thought it was wrong. Maybe it is. But it helps me stay sane. I hate American culture. In my head, I consider ISIS worse than the alt-right and I consider the alt-right worse than the secular left, but on a gut level, I think all three are evil and worthless. I don't have the emotional strength to live without a bubble right now. Too bad I can't spend more time in it.

Friday, February 10, 2017

The failure of an ethical system

Until last year, both the left wing and the right wing had competing versions of morality and ethics, both of them with some problems but still more "good" than "bad". Both versions had a lot of things in common like don't murder, don't steal, don't lie, etc. Last year, both the left and the right mutually agreed that the left is the "good guys" and the right is the "bad guys". Left-wingers bash right-wingers for being too bad, right-wingers bash left-wingers for being too good. That's what "snowflake", "gay", "cuck", etc. all mean - someone who is too good, who doesn't sin enough, so they must be punished. (For more see here) The new right-wing "morality" is simply left-wing morality in reverse. It's weird to see the complete failure of an ethical system.

It's hard for me to write this because I don't get along well with the left. But the right has turned evil and there's no way around it. There's a lot of left-wing morality that I think is completely wrong, but at least it's a system of morality where people strive to be good. A lot of the right strives to be bad because they want to be the opposite of the left wing. This culture is a sick parody of what it was 10 years ago.

I wonder what society would be like if left wing morality had collapsed instead of right wing morality. Probably just as horrible, but horrible in a way that makes more sense.

Friday, December 23, 2016

Want to know why it hurts?

Earlier today I saw some bullshit article from other people giving normal-people answers for why Trump sucks for them. Some of their answers may have been legit, but it ignores my problems. I have totally different answers.

First of all, I hate when bad guys win, and in this case the worst person won. That's not the worst part tho.

My people have rejected me. Almost everyone in my demographic groups sold their soul to the devil. They couldn't resist. Most "Never Trump" conservatives realized they were gonna get punished if they didn't fall in line. To make it worse, the people who already rejected me all hate him because he represents my people. Most anti-Trump people really piss me off. A good chunk of them are anti-religious Berniebots from big cities who look down on rural Southern Christians like me. Every place I felt at home turned into Trump fandom. Evangelicalism is dead. It's so dead that it's easier to find actual Satanists against Satan than it is to find evangelicals against Satan. I want to change my religious beliefs so I'm no longer part of the #1 group that fell for Satan. Evangelicalism in the US is dead now. Nobody will want to convert any more, and people will leave because their Christian convictions kick them out.

I think Donald Trump has supernatural demonic power. I am not kidding. I am not exaggerating. I'm not saying he's "the" Anti-Christ or the Beast or whatever, but he has powers that nobody else has, and he's definitely an anti-Christ. He can do anything he wants. He is a god, with a little 'g'. And unlike the Christian God, there is 100% proof that he's real and powerful. I don't know if he's all powerful but it sure as hell seems like it. Trump is the god of 1% chances. FiveThirtyEight gave him a 2% shot of winning the Republican nomination, which he won by violating every rule of political science. Could anyone else do that? No. I think Trump could have defeated Barack Obama, George W Bush, Bill Clinton, etc. as president. If he sets his mind to something, he gets it, no matter the odds. FiveThirtyEight were the only pollsters to give him any chance at winning, and his chance was only about 20% on election night. He's clearly got the power to change minds and make them ignore any facts. He can harness and control the news media in a way nobody else can. I have a hunch every single thing he wished for in the election cycle came true. I will probably die in a Trump concentration camp for writing this post. I don't think me calling him a god makes me any less of a monotheist, he's not the true God. Altho sometimes I wonder...

I feel like Satan has killed Jesus. I don't know how else to say it. There is an evil supernatural force in the world and I don't know if there is any good force to counterbalance it. I want to believe there is, but 81% of people who claim there is fell for the evil force. Yesterday I found out the black metal band Venom had a song called "At War With Satan" about Satan invading Heaven and overthrowing God. I hate black metal and I don't plan to listen to the song, but here are the lyrics. Very offensive lyrics and I hated reading them, but it's how I feel. I feel like God went missing and there is no reason to be a good person any more. I should strive to be more evil to please the new god Trump. And I don't know if sins I'm into qualify as evil enough. Trump is so powerful that he could cheat God. He's definitely powerful enough to fool most "Christians". That's something nobody talks about. It may sound absurd to other people but it makes sense to me. The people who say they support my God turned their back on everything He supports and now support a false god. Albeit a false god with some power.

This page claims that Trump is the Anti-Christ. It's a bit crazy, but it brings me peace, and very little in the world does. I want people like that to be against him. It's like a little bit of home that Trump hasn't destroyed yet.